his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
