I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
