So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
whose parrot is this?
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Randomize
