..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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