Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
