I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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