i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
She told me I should be a condom model.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
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