I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
