'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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