so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
