i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
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