Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize