all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Randomize
