They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
