I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
