Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize