I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
