I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
