We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
