so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
