My sheets look like a crime scene.
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
