i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Randomize
