He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
