i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
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