Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
What did we do last night that was yellow?
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
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