Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize