is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
