Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I just threw up on my dentist
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
