Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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