yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
