i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
