My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
