hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize