1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
