20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
