pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
