The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
