Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
