God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
