Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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