I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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