This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
