So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Randomize
