The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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