So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Randomize
