At least make sure they are 18
Why
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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