U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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