I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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