Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
