she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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