Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
