i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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