you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Randomize
