Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Dicks are not precious.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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