I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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