nut hugger
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
