we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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