Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
