hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
