I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
porn star boner night. come get it.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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