he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
