Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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