Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
i was born a porn star she said
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
