They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
