i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Pooping to opera.
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