Betty ford says i'm here all night
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
