I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
