apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Randomize
