You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
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