Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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