Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
