I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
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