did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
