So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
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