I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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