i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Randomize
