you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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