I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
