Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize