i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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