News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
should my penis look like a turkey
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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