I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
