I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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