I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
We don't watch enough power rangers
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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